The 'A' Squad

Summer Camp......

2010-06-22T08:12:00.000-05:00

Next week my two oldest leave for Baptist Hill Church Camp. Not knowing if they'll know anyone else, with the pastor and his family, totally on a whim.................I don’t anticipate they’ll be homesick. They've been away time and again with family, with friends, etc................ But as any camp veteran can tell you, there are always kids who really, really wish they could just go home.

(I received the following from our Campus President)

Diane Falanga’s new book P.S. I Hate It Here! is a compilation of 150 humorous letters written by kids at summer camp. Here are a few excerpts:

Dear Mom and Dad, I have a really, really, REALLY BAD ingrone toenail. It is killing me. When we get home get a doctors apointment PLEASE. Lots of love, Piper P.S. DON’T sign me up for next year!

Dear Mom, Why haven’t you sent me a letter? Everyone else has gotten at least one but I haven’t. I am really worried. Who died? What happen? Is anithing wrong? WRITE BACK!! Love, Meredith

Dear Dad, STOP telling me all the good things you guys are doing! Like the boat going to their house for dinner or the first block party! You made me very angry! Love, your mad daughter

I’m still alive! Love, Stanton

Dear Daddy, Ew! The food is yucky! I need you to send food to me. These are choices: doritos, mentos, oreos, soft chew cookies (not required), chips, hostess cake thingers. Please?!! This is how you wrap the food—in a box with wrapping paper, then put a card on top that says HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Then they won’t check for food. Love, Samantha

One letter included a huge clump of hair with the note, “Dear Mom, guess what? Love Leslie.”

Another letter from a girl named Olivia simply said, “Take me home Mommy. Take me home Daddy. Take me home Mommy. Take me home Daddy. Take me home Mommy. Take me home Daddy. Take me home Mommy. Take me home Daddy. Take me home Mommy. Take me home Daddy. Take me Mommy. Take me home Daddy. Take me home Mommy.”

Homesickness, of course, has a long Biblical history. For forty years in the wilderness, the people of Israel longed to enter the Promised Land. When they lived in the land, every Israelite’s heart stirred to go to Jerusalem, to their true home in the Lord’s Temple. In exile in faraway Babylon, God’s people ached to return to the land of their ancestors. Every believer in Christ yearns now for the final Promised Land, the new Jerusalem.

Our hearts ache to go to our true home, heaven, and to see the One we love face-to-face, and we cry out with the Psalmist, “How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of Heaven’s Armies. I long, yes, I faint with longing to enter the courts of the Lord. With my whole being, body and soul, I will shout joyfully to the living God . . . What joy for those who can live in your house, always singing your praises.” (Psalm 84:1-4, NLT)

On your difficult days—and there will be difficult days—you may feel like writing a letter to God saying, “I hate here.” It’s more than bad food and ingrown toenails—the prayer list below serves as a constant reminder that cancer, car wrecks, heartbreak and loss constantly afflict us. In the midst of this world’s pain, remember the good news: this place is not our home. This is temporary lodging. We are only here for a time, and one day our Father will arrive to take us where we really belong. What a day of rejoicing that will be! So hold on, and don’t give up. We’ll be home soon.

Father,
When this world beats us down, fill our eyes with a vision of heaven that will lift us up. Thank you for the wonderful promise of life forever with You in that heavenly City, and we pray that, even in the midst of hard times, we can “be joyful in hope” (Rom 12:12). We look forward to the day You take us home.

Men vs Women

2010-04-28T16:07:00.005-05:00

***Be sure and turn off the playlist before you start this up**

Thank YOU!! Mark Gungor

1 Peter 5:10-12

2010-03-23T08:45:00.000-05:00

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever.

Amen.

SOOOOO much to be Thankful for!!

2009-12-01T10:42:00.015-06:00

My God reminds me daily of things to be thankful for:

Good Food!

GOOFY KIDS!!

FAMILY!!

My mom and dad were here this past weekend!! We had a great 4 days!

A BOUNTIFUL HUNTING SEASON!

(264lbs and $305 worth.......OUCH!!! That'll leave a dent in the wallet right now but will last us all year!!)

Most importantly, My GOD!!!

He never ceases to amaze me!!

I Will CarryYou!!

2009-11-25T15:29:00.003-06:00

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies,
wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One whose chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says...

I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies,
no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One whose chosen Me
To carry you!

We Cry Holy!!

2009-11-24T11:57:00.004-06:00

We fall down

We lay our crowns

At the feet of Jesus

The greatness of

Your Mercy and love

At the feet of Jesus

And we cry holy, holy, holy

Is the lamb

We fall down

We lay our crowns

At the feet of Jesus

The greatness of

Mercy and love

At the feet of Jesus

And we cry holy, holy, holy

Is the lamb

And we cry holy, holy, holy

Is the lamb

Well, STINK!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-23T09:57:00.002-06:00

Doc just called, my HCG numbers went down from Wednesday.

No baby this time! Just not meant to be, my God says! (and I'm ok with that, just again saddened!!)

Will keep trying!

As the song says, "I Will Rise!"

Thank you for your prayers! Keep 'em comin'!!!!

I'm re-secheduled for surgery December 10th.

POOPS!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-21T17:05:00.006-06:00

OK, sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Wednesday!!!!?????!!!!!

...........went in to have a lump removed from my left breast, dr walks in before surgery------but after i'm already iv'd and dressed in booties-cap-gown, etc.......and says,

"We have good and bad news! Good news...................

YOU'RE PREGNANT!!,

bad news...............we can't do the surgery!"

The first question they ask you prepping for surgery is "Have you had your tubes tied or a hysterectomy?" and that was a tricky question for me to begin with. Then the nurse made me pee in the cup because my tubes are currently open.

Then the blood draw thing.........they had to come back in and draw a second time, so you woulda' thought I would pick up on something, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Those of you who don't know..........we have been trying for 3 years for this! You can read previous posts and/or original post to catch up if'n evah ya' care to.

We had switched meds September and, well, I guess they did their job!!!

I went in Thursday for a sono and I am early----last cycle was october 22nd. He said the measurements were right on time with the calendar. Wednesday my titer (? i hope i've called/said that right) # was 1800 something and I will be going in on Sunday to do another blood draw. Then, I'll go back in on Tuesday for him to do another sono to make CERTAIN that things are where they need to be. (with the tubal and reversal chances of ectopic)

We will be watching the lump for 3-4mos and then will decide whether or not to go ahead and take it out. I have had this lump for 15 years now, I have just switched doctors. They biopsied it 15 years ago and it was nothing. It hasn't changed, it hasn't moved, it hasn't gotten more tender nor larger, it's still just there. My new surgeon dr. just wants to remove it to know what it is.?.

It's all just CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

--------we've waited sooooooooooooooooooooooo long. I had pretty much given up. My oldest daughter turned 14 this year ------so, what makes it ok for me to still be wanting a baby myself. Plus, I turned the big 4-0 last month and I just gave myself until I was 40 to keep trying and then that would be it.

Come Tuesday, when we find out for sure if it's in the right place and all, my heart will be more at ease. With my track record, I usually don't tell anyone I'm ever preggo until at least 3 sometimes 4 months. I just have a hard time with telling everyone and then if/when something happens, having to retell everyone.

My cousin and aunt and a friend were all signed on to do my anesthesia, OR nurse and recovery nurse so when I got ready to leave the hospital, my aunt says, "Ok, now what are we going to tell people? How can you walk out of here with no recovery-no stitches-no soreness? yadda yadda yadda! (Joe's family is very close here and very large!!!) She said we may as well level with them and tell the truth. THAT IS SO HARD for me so early. Annnnnnnnnnnd, it's going to be a LONG 9 months with everyone knowing so soon, too!!

Any and all prayers would be appreciated!!

I will be laying my worries at His feet because, like my husband has me trained to think, it is what it is and I can't change it. If it's meant to be He will make it!!!!

I am never in doubt with God's plans, just always amazed with His timing!!!

I DO have a sono pic but am NOT tech savvy enough to know how to scan/upload it, sorry!!

(I tell ya' if I didn't know any better, I'd think my past came straightout of a Lifetime Movie!!!)

2009-07-30T11:26:00.004-05:00

Not Defined by My Mascara (thank you for sharing this..........i've copied from a 'sister'.
I was never a crier.

I took great pride in that truth, it just wasn't cool.

But then, my sons died and I couldn't stop crying.

In the car, in the bed, at the table in the restaurant, at church, outside, inside, everywhere in between, I cried.

I have been fighting my way back to that "non-crier" status. I remember feeling strong before and I'm longing to be that girl again.

Every single day, I pause and contemplate which mascara to choose. Waterproof or not waterproof? Lately, I've been feeling a little brave and a bit rebellious as I grab the navy blue tube that tells me I will not cry today. And most days, I don't. I don't want to be a sad girl. I don't want to be the sensitive one that people tiptoe around. I want to be honest and genuine and true, but I also want to be real and tender and pliable between the fingers of my God. I want Him to go right ahead and make me into whatever He wants me to be.

Then I want Him to use me, no matter how I protest. Eight years ago, I thought an eternity would have passed by now. But, the thing is, it just really hasn't. The way the Lord has moved through my life has been so beautiful and downright breathtaking and you won't find a more grateful girl than me. But, oh how I still miss my boys!

It's hard. I'm scared. I'm tired. And it hurts.

And, as the song says, I know who wants to be the One I run to first. It's not my lifelong friend. It's not my mentor. It's not even my man. It's my Father. He wants me to run to Him first. He must watch me run to and fro with this scarred up heart, shaking His head and wishing I would just reach for Him like I should. I find great comfort in knowing He knows my heart and the truth that lies there, because if all He knew was all others see... whew.

The emotional roller coaster continues, I am just learning to be a quieter passenger. I don't scream so often anymore. I have been up these hills and plummeted to these lows so many times now that I just hold on tight and trust they'll pass, just like the long, straight stretches do. Still, sometimes I reach a point where my head is spinning and my stomach has flipped one too many times and I find myself weary and spent, begging to get off this grief ride. The navy blue tube of mascara fails me and black streams stain my cheeks again, marking me as the broken woman I am.

But, you know what? There's beauty there, too.

We're all broken. If the light shines on us long enough, the cracks will show.

It's what we do with those cracks - and those tears - that matter. Do we let them transform us into something we never could have been before? Do we let them cleanse our eyes, that we might see more clearly than before? Do we let them spur us on toward good deeds and great purpose? Do those scars remind us to push through the pain? Do our memories ask us what we are afraid of?

Maintaining a facade is exhausting work.Time spent pretending is precious time wasted.

We'll never be given this second again.

My boys taught me that.

Tears might equal weakness, but my weakness equals His strength.

I don't know about you, but I think I'll just let my tears roll when they may and I'll offer the pain that comes with them as a sacrifice to my Lord. I'll bite my lips, push my shoulders back, put one foot in front of the other, and I'll keep on keepin' on.

I think I might be a crier after all.

But only for a little while.

Whucha' Dooooooooin'?

2009-06-04T19:18:00.024-05:00

WOWZA!!! Where did May go?????? You wouldn't believe my calendar/planner........noone could read it but me as we were going this way, going that way, meeting ourselves coming and going. We were at the school more times in May than we were the rest of the year with all of the........

Music group concerts

Rock and Worship Roadshow......just to name one (watch for another post of ALL we've been to)

field trips

Austin's class at the Nature Center

track meets

awards assemblies

5th grade 'girls' movie (sorry no pics)

band/honor choir concerts

Super Kids Field Days

a pretend birthday party

(for that summer bday)

family 'vacation' to

The Dalton Gang Museum

Woolaroc Ranch

(that's another post in itself, so check back)

etc...............................................

Ahhhhhhhhhh, SUMMER!! This week the kiddos have been out in KS with my sister and sister-in-law. I heard from them last night and I think the 7 days was the most they've ever been away from Man-of-Mine and me. Sooooooooooo, needless to say, they are (called just last night, again) ready to come back home. I'm certain that they love their hostesses and cousins, but I just know they must be absolutely be wore down---draggin' tired!! I can't wait to see them Saturday!!

Now, to the title of this post. What have I been doin'? I've been busy chasing kids, doing some custom sewing pieces and...................drumroll, please.....................I have gone back to work full-time. I swore when my kiddos all got into school that I would go back, and the 'just right' job opportunity was presented to me so I hopped on it. Let me say that I love it and especially the ladies that are in the office with me. They couldn't have been more welcoming during my first week. I'm excited to get up in the mornings and look forward to this being a long-term career position. Oh............................where am I employed you ask? Ozark Christian College as a Financial Aid Counselor. Yes, it is outside my degree, yes, it is working with numbers and pushing papers, and yes, I am really enjoying my training, seeing things go full circle and actually kindof understanding some of the uh-ma-zingly complex process of a college student receiving financial aid.

I also wanted to share some of the custom pieces I've done the last several months:

If you've made it this far, THANK YOU!! I will try and do a better job of making individual posts, I have a lonnnnnnnnnnnnng list of topics, but just not enough time.

Happy Birthday Baby Aaron!!

2009-04-28T12:36:00.012-05:00

Glory Baby

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

~Watermark

It Is Well With My Soul!

2009-04-26T10:48:00.003-05:00

I have always loved this song, it being on my FAV's list, and after going to the Women of Joy Conference this past weekend and hearing/seeing the very gifted music group "Selah", I learned why God has place this song in my heart!!

This is a version of the story behind the song that I found online.

Horatio Spafford was a 43 year old lawyer. He lived in a north side suberb of Chicago with his wife, Anna, and their five children.

In 1871, his only son died.

A few months later, the Great Chicago Fire of 1871 consumed Spafford's real estate investments. He lost his entire life savings.

Two years later, Spafford and his family decided to take a vacation to Europe. However, Spafford was delayed by last minute business.

He sent his wife and 4 daughters on the S.S. Ville Du Havre as scheduled, promising to follow in a few days.

On November 22, 1873, the ship was struck by an iron sailing vessel, and it sank in 12 minutes. 226 people were killed.

When the survivors of the shipwreck landed in Europe, Spafford cabled her husband, "Saved alone. What shall I do?"

Spafford immediately left Chicago to bring his wife home.

In the midst of his sorrow, while sailing near the place of his daughters' deaths, he wrote the words to the hymn "It Is Well With My Soul".

In spite of their tragedy, in 1881 the Spafford's moved to Jerusalem to meet the needs of the people. Through their service, the Spafford's were able to share Christ with the local Muslim and Jewish communities.

There Will be a Day Devotional

2009-01-30T23:51:00.008-06:00

(pause sidebar playlist first, then push play on video, then go back to the sidebar playlist to hear the whole song)

Ok, All! Listen, don't just 'hear', but LISTEN!

Revelation 21:4
"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There shall be no more death nor sorrow nor crying, there shall be no more pain for the former things have passed away."

Romans 8:18-19, 25
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed to us, for the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the Sons of God, but if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance."

Don't Lose heart!!
THIS IS NOT OUR HOME, IT'S ONLY TEMPORARY!!!!

~~Jeremy Camp

8 years ago..............

2009-01-11T06:09:00.009-06:00

8 stupid loooooooooooonnnnnnnng years (almost to the minute) ago.......................my world changed, my family changed, my heart changed, I changed.................

I know it is truly not stupid. I know there must be a reason, I'm just not good at looking for the reason right now.

Happy Birthday, Precious Baby Boy!!!

John 'Adam'

XOXO

A QUILT OF HOLES.....

2008-11-19T19:06:00.001-06:00

As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before
the Lord along with all the other souls.

Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a
quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing
our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.

But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I
noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was.
They were filled with giant holes.
Each square was labeled with a part of my life that
had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was
faced with in every day life.
I saw hardships that I endured, which were the
largest holes of all.

I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other
than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were
filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly
fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.

My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together,
threadbare and empty, like binding air.

Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed,
held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others
rose; each in turn, holding up
their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel
looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise.

My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had
all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and
laughter. But there had also been
trials of illness, and wealth, and false accusations that
took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over
many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit,
only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and
begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer,
asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been
held up to ridicule, which I
endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father
in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the
judgmental gaze of those who
unfairly judged me.

And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was,
and I had to accept it for what it was.

I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to
the light.

An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the
others who stared at me with wide eyes.

Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded
the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then
our Lord stood before me,
with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, 'Every time
you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My
hardships, and My struggles.

Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside
and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than
there was of you.'

May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ
to shine through!

God determines who walks into your life ...it's up to
you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and
who you refuse to let go.'

"THANKS, DAD!!"

A Little Busy...........

2008-08-20T10:02:00.012-05:00

I am really staying busy, but I'm disappointed that I just can't do it all!

There are several things on my plate right now, and once the girls' activities start up, they'll be added to the top of the list. Please know that I am not complaining about having too many things to do, I am just sad that I can't add the other 4/5 things that I'd really luuuuuuuv to do, to the list. I love being able to keep my mind occupied, not dwelling on personal issues. Let me share:

FIRST AND FOREMOST~~My kiddos have started back up in school and so have their activities. Adi is playing junior high volleyball and is cheering, too. That will keep her busy, but I know she will love it and excel in all that she does. Audra will be starting volleyball. She was reluctant to sign up because she said it is boring. She is the type that needs to be moving-every minute! Her favorite sport is basketball and lemme' tell ya', she's gonna be good! She may be little, but she is quick!! Austin started kindygarden as so far has not thrown a fit about going. His best buddy is in his class so I think that plays a major role! He won't get to do any sports during the school year, but will do baseball this summer.

Shepherd On The Hill Daycare~~I have the perfect job!!! I do childcare in my home for teacher friends. This way, I still have my summers off!! Smart, eh? Well, let me say that last year I thought I had the perfect group of wee-wonders, but........this year, considering a 100% turnover, I am truly blessed in that this new collection will give the previous group a run for their money. I would love to share pics of them, but I don't think mamas and dadas would appreciate that! Great kiddos come from great parents!! I just can't say enough about how great the kiddos are and how much I connect with the parents!! What a true blessing from God!!

Adam' Harvest~~I still do my 'thing' in the designing/creating community with Adam's Harvest. I have a two day show, Children's Miracle Network's Miracle Market, next Friday and Saturday at the mall. I have asked Nathalie and Rachael to join in and so we will be sharing a booth space for tutus and bows!! I am sooooooooo excited about this, I just can't hardly stand it. I love the craft fair environment!! Meeting new people, chit chatting, seeing the older ladies look at and figure out that my things are made from the vintage chenilles and pillowcases and tablecloths, and sheets, and table runners, etc..... it's priceless! I did a show at a different mall 4 years ago and had a really good outcome, so I'm especially psyched! We will do another one for CMN again in mid-November. I also sell on etsy.com and just a tad on ebay. It's so hard for me to build up a large inventory if I sell on these sites, but I like having an online shop to share with people at the shows so then they can share with others, too.

NILMDTS~~An organization that has been very dear and near to my heart the past 18 months is Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. This organization is made up of photographers who volunteer their time to go to the hospitals and work directly with the parents who have lost a babe. I am the Area Parent Coordinator for the SW MO area. You must go to their webpage to learn more to hopefully become involved with them and help spread the information to get more volunteer photographers. I will forewarn you, it will be an emotional journey that will touch your life forever. I was not able to benefit from their services as I didn't find out about them until after we lost our second son, Aaron, but I have been in contact with Cheryl, the lady who started it and her heart is gold. We had a meeting last night at the hospital and I found out there that one photographer has already got the paperwork started, jumped through all the 'hoops' and it would be implemented in one of our area hospitals today!! There are 2 other hospitals we will be meeting with to hopefully get them on board, too.

The Vision~~A friend of mine and his wife asked me to be a part of a Music Worship Group with them. We have been meeting at their house for the past 3 months working on songs that we can eventually take out share with the small town we live by. There is such a need to bring people in this town closer to a more personal relationship with our Lord and we're hoping to be able to be a step in that direction. Talk about some amazing, totally uh~maz~ing!, truly gifted music artists. We have a drummer who can't read music, he just hears it and knows it. Then there's our lead singer who is the high school band/choir teacher. Of course we have Ronnie and Kristi who are our spiritual warriors. And then there's me who can'ty make it through a practice without shedding a tear. I was raised in a very musical family so my emotions are lead by music. It is one of the most personal ways for me to share my expression of love for My God. We are hoping this can lead into a small group study time, which can eventually lead into a bigger group time which will add to our community being a stronger body of Christ.

Emotional Healing~~Finally, as you know because you are here, I try and keep up with my blog. I find that it is healing for me to share with others how I am feeling, what I've been up to, etc..... I realize there are people who don't care but honestly, I don't do it for others, I do it for me. (even if I am the only reader) Please feel comfortable to leave a comment on any and all posts. I would love to hear from you!

Sooooooooooo sorry about the long post, I just wanted to let you know that if I don't answer my phone at a particular time, it may be that I'm a little busy.............

AND LOVIN' IT!!

Kennedy and Friends Co.

2008-08-09T17:08:00.008-05:00

Now that we are talking craft shows, I can't forget my new 'tutu' friend!

I found Miss Nathalie , better known as 'Kennedy & Friends Co.' on Etsy, 4 months ago and she has some BEAUTIFUL things! She lives in a town just 1.5 hours away from me. She sells her tutus for your little princess' in her Etsy shop and she does handmade dolls, too. I don't know that she sells the dolls or just makes them for friends and family. Either way, they are cute, cute, cute!!

And, it shouldn't surprise you that, we worked out a trade!

I have been needing something to fill out under the skirts that I make. I use a mannequin to take pictures for my auctions and the tutu helps the skirts poof out and look full. I thought one of her tutus would work and...............it's perfect!!

She saw a skirt in my Etsy shop and we agreed to trade.

Then, she also asked me to make a coordinating kimono style top. It turned out too cute!! I didn't take a picture of it (bummer!) before I sent it but she took one of the skirt. The top is still a little big on Miss Kennedy so I can't wait to see the complete set once she grows into it.

Miss Nathalie is a total sweetheart! Actually, I asked her back then if she would be interested in doing some shows with me, and she said yes! With us going on vacation for 2 weeks, her finishing up college classes, and her moving, we are still trying to find a time to get together. I know I will see her on Sept. 5/6 as we will be doing a show at the mall.

I'M SOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!

Miss Nathalie is nothing but a sweet, sweet friend. I am totally humbled to have such creative friends in my life!

'HE' never ceases to amaze me!!

2008-08-08T13:33:00.007-05:00

He, being our Lord and Savior above!!!

Sooooooo, I have 2 open spots in my home daycare. I always try to watch teachers' kids so then I get the Summer off. Sooooooooo, I stop by the school and ask the secretary if she could put out a message to all the teachers letting them know about the 2 open spots. Our district turned over 10 certified positions, which is HUGE for our small school. This was my best chance, and quickest, of getting in contact with all the new staff.

I leave the school, stop by the Dari Cream (after just hearing that after 2 years of their soft-serve machine being broke-they'd been serving ice cream out of tubs from Sam's-that they finally fixed it so are back to serving soft-serve. You have to understand, I live in a town of 1000, this is the only joint in town that even sells 'eat now' ice cream. The convenience store and grocery store are the only 2 options of any chance of getting any ice cream period.) and head home. After being there for 15-20 minutes, I received a phone message from a new teacher, Miss Rachael. She lives in a surrounding town, has a 3 yr old and sounds delightful! We set up a time to meet, yesterday morning, and I can't believe what is about to take place...............

Her kids are gorgeous! Very well mannered, and then, as she gets ready to leave she asks, "Do you sew?"

"Yes," I said.

"Do you sell on ebay?"

"Yes," I said in amazement that she would even ask. There isn't anyone around here that I know of who does the 'boutique custom community' gig. Half of my friends don't even know that I do sew children's clothing, quilts, bibs, diaper bags/totes, and etc...... let alone sell them on ebay, etsy and at local craft shows and boutiques.

"SO DO I!" she says. She doesn't sew, but she makes hair bows. Her seller id is bowcrazybowtique. ADORABLE hair bows at that! She is in several selling groups on ebay, she sells on etsy, too, and said she will give me the name of a couple other online boutiques that she uses.

SMALL WORLD!!! GIRLFRIENDS!!!

When I started selling 5 years ago, a friend and I did the craft show thing together with her making coordinating bows for my outfits. We had such a good time and I miss Jenner dearly, as she moved to Bella Vista, Arkansas. Sooooooooo, this is really cool to find another friend to possibly do some shows with.

Rachael is very good at her graphics and templates and html, etc...... that I mentioned that I'm sure we could do some trading of outfits for teaching me some of the techy things.

Later in the evening, after we shared our seller id's with each other, we were reading up on each other more. She read my About Me page and immediatley sent me a message.

Come to find out, she has suffered several miscarriages, childloss, and infertility, ...just as I have.

NOW THIS IS GOD AT WORK, lemme' tell ya'!

I am very excited about how we can become friends, learn from each other, teach each other, be there for each other and still be able to use our God Given creative talents to enjoy our lives.

...............and to Him I say, "THANK YOU!!"

More Ball Stuff................

2008-08-07T11:43:00.009-05:00

I ordered in some softball fabric (10 bucks a yard, OUCH!!!) the ONLY softball fabric that had all yellow balls. All the other fabrics had either all white balls or yellow and white balls, or all the sports combined, etc..... I loved the fabric so I made one purse/tote for myself. Well, it sold the first day I took it out. She was a mother on our ballteam and didn't care that I had just used it that one day.

Kara's

The next week at practice I had 3 more orders.

Kerrie's

Terisa's

Tammy's

And then, because I love her so much, I made one for Adi's coach/team sponsor from last year.

Patti's
(Her daughter was on a different team than us, can you tell?

Let me tell ya', these are so fun to do. and eeeeeeezzzzzzzzzz! Now, easy doesn't mean quick, there is alot of time designing/creating the ribbons/laces/patched pieces, etc.... but they are addictive. I went ahead, after doing everyone else's, and did one for myself!

I just love that each one is so alike and yet so different!

USSSA 12U World Series!!

2008-08-04T00:13:00.009-05:00

PLEASE note, I'm working on the picture situation. Yes, I know you can't see the entire pic, I'm working on it.........you can try clicking on the pic and it may bring it up that way. soooooooooooooo sorry!!

Adi's team won 2 USSSA sanctioned tournaments and 1 ASA sanctioned tournament this summer which qualified them to compete in the World Series Tournament to wind up the season.

They went 1-4, but let me tell you, they have memories and friendships for a lifetime!

What a great group of girls and quite honestly, I have to say parents, too. I have made some friendships that will last forever, too. We will certainly play on the team next year, and until the girls decide enough is enough.

CRUSH! proudly carrying our banner in Opening Ceremonies Parade!

The team is made up of girls from 11 different small towns. Considering that no more than 2 players are in the same class attending the same school, they got along ggrrrrrreeeeeaatttttt! We will compete against several of the towns in Junior High and High School. That will be neat for the girls to see each other at athletic activities----not so neat to have to be competing against them.

Every team needs a coach's time out every so often!

Adi, #30, at bat.

Coach Nate gettin' the silly string from his own kiddos!

The teams walked from 1st base, down around home plate, to 3rd base and line the outfield in the Opening Ceremonies Parade.

Day 1, as we entered the gate and prepared for our first game.

Kacey, our pitcher!

Adi, our 1st baseman.

Nate in the stands, pre-parade!

(I know this isn't quite the most appropriate song for 12 and under girls softball, but it is cute and personally, I like the beat of it!!)

I'm in limbo.........

2008-07-25T14:00:00.003-05:00

Sorry for the long time between posts. We're just ending up our trip to the USSSA 12-U Fastpitch World Series, we'll be going to a family reunion tomorrow, then on out west to spend a week with the familia', and then I'll finally return home around the 1st or 2nd. I have lots of pics to post on the World Series. (They're still all on the camera and can't be downloaded until I get home to my computer.)

And........I'll be starting a new business opportunity. Sooooooo, those of you who might be interested, pleeasssseeee check out Christine's gorgeous line of clothing that she will be offering this Fall. Eventually, when I receive my 'trunk', I can set up you locals with a show and provide you with some adorable frocks!!

My 'baby' turned 6!

2008-06-20T06:41:00.006-05:00

Well, it officially hit me this week. I knew the day was coming, but Wednesday, it finally sunk in, I guess.
Austin turned 6 on Wed. and I am so proud of him, but it does tug at my heart. He is attending summer school, which in our district is all 'just for fun' not for making up/catching up. He is so excited to FINALLY get to ride the bus. It helps that his summer driver is a very dear friend of mine and she has a daughter in Adi's class so he knows her very well. His teacher is the one who took my place after Aaron was born so he is in my old classroom, which he knew well from when I was there 3 school years ago. He is one of the oldest ones in the class, I purposely held him out knowing from experience that it is better.
However, my emotions are torn. In 12 years, I have never not had one of my kiddos home with me. Yes, I do daycare so I will still have 4 babes to care for, but not one is of my flesh and blood. This wouldn't bother me so much, I don't think, if I wasn't battling the infertility issue. If we would have conceived like we have in the past, I would have a babe in arms, even maybe a toddler. Does any of this make sense? No, it doesn't! I should be thankful for what I do have, I AM grateful for what I do have...........3 beautiful children!! But, my heart still yearns for one more.
Tuesday, he had a few friends over to play. They were so funny! They were so cute! After he opened his first gift, I said, "What do you tell Korbin for the present?" and he said, "Thank you Korbin!" Korbin replied, "You're so welcome, Austin." (He's a cousin who just turned 5 and will be in kindygarten with him next year.) Then, after opening Braden's gift, I said, "What do you tell Braden for the present?" and he said, "Thank you Braden!" Braden replied, "No problem." (He's a preschool friend who will just be turning 5 next month but his mama has decided to keep him out another year) The other little guy received his "Thank You!", and said, "You're welcome." (He is 3 weeks older than Austin and will be in kindygarten with him as well.)
How sweet is that! They were like sooooooo cool about it!
They played in the sprinkler with the water guns.
We had pizza....then we made homemade ice cream and had cupcakes. He just haaaad to call his Uncle Loulie and Grumpy (gpa) to come up for dessert. He made it clear that it was a 'boys only-NO girls allowed' party, but we'd send gma some ice cream back to her.
They played with the new toys, and so did Uncle Loulie and Grumpy.
They went down to the shop and played around the equipment, in and out of the backhoes and dozers.
I believe the afternoon/evening was a success. We got the boys home an hour later than we had planned.
Wednesday, all was well. He got to go to work with Dad! No better way to spend his big day!

It's so nice to live in a small town where everyone knows most everyone. I know all these families, their past generations and their backgrounds, and Joe went to school with the one's gpa and the one's dad. I just love the little town!
I love my little Austin more than life itself. Yeah, there are days when I threaten to send him to the moon, but I'm sure they'd tire of his wanting to play in the dirt all day long and would send him back. He is a special little guy who has healed ALOT of people's hearts, and he doesn't even know it. My good friend was going through some emotional issues when I had him and he was a special gift to her at the time of his birth. He certainly filled a void in my heart after just losing Adam. He has a great uncle who lost his son a year ago January to a massive heart attack, and Unc has just taken to him just as if he was his own. Unc often calls and asks how 'The Boy' is. I believe God has big plans for Austin. I will just continue to pray that Austin's heart will be open to hear Him.
I love my Bubs!!
(I hope you enjoy listening to some of his favorite songs!)

Food For Thought............

2008-06-11T07:33:00.002-05:00

"As surely as I scoop my babies up in my arms and love on them while they are crying, He draws near to us in our times of need. And as loudly as I am cheering my girl on from the stands, whether it be words of encouragement or praise, He cheers louder."

Thank you Miss Emily.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep.....

2008-06-04T12:13:00.000-05:00

Let's try this again...

The small gray bus is no more.......

2008-06-03T17:55:00.004-05:00

Wednesday, on the way home from Garden City, 12 miles from home after a 7 hour drive, travelling on a road that I've been on many a times, I ran a stop sign on a major highway and collided with a pickup. I'm still not sure why I didn't see the sign, it has been there for the 13 years I've been here, it is a sneeky one at the top of a hill, but yet still, I knew it was coming up and just have nooooooo idea how I missed it. Everyone keeps saying, "You were probably getting tired", but honestly, I wasn't. I remember thinking that the stop sign should be coming up soon, then I was at the highway, I remember thinking well maybe I'll make it through without meeting anyone, then BAM!!
But let me first say, we are BLESSED!!!! I talked to the kiddos again today, telling them that I'm so sorry and asked for their forgiveness. I shared with them that with God, there is no 'luck', but pure blessings and grace. Everybody keeps saying how lucky we were and I say we are truly blessed!!A tenth of a second sooner or later would have been severely a different outcome. We pretty much met front corner to front corner. The tenth of a second would have made us hit either on their driver's side or my passenger side. OOOOOOh! I don't even want to think about it. I have to keep telling myself to be grateful, not to worry about what coulda been.
Here are the photos of the van. It is amazing that noone was hurt worse than they were. The couple in the pickup were treated with moderate injuries and released. Man, did that take a load off of my guilt. They were not wearing seatbelts, which just proves once again that we were blessed.
Adi sprained her right ankle, has a sore waist from the lap belt, a sore neck from the seatbelt....and a seltblet burn on her neck, and a bruised knee. AMAZING GRACE!!! She has a softball tournament in Branson this weekend, she rode along with another team member but will be unable to play. There was no way I could make it, I'm so sad to miss it.

Audra was taken by ambulance out of concern for her back and stomach. She took the full force on her lapbelt and has a seatbelt burn across her belly. They did sonograms, xrays, and a catscan to make sure there was no damage to the upper part of her stomach. She's just sore. AMAZING GRACE!!! She played a little bit in a ballgame thursday night and is supposed to play in a tourney tomorrow, but hopefully it will get rained out. (i've never imagined myself saying that i hope it'd rain)

Austin was sleeping so didn't have the time to tense up, and all that he got was a gooseegg on his right forehead. AMAZING GRACE!!! He practiced tball thursday night and it's just another day to him.

I'm sore, really sore, really really really sore, but just sprains and bruises. I sprained my right ankle, knocked my right inside knee on something, I'm sore from my right hip up and across my chest to my left shoulder/neck, and I sprained my left wrist. My ribs and sternum are what I'm fighting the most. Without your core, you're pretty much immobilized.
Just wanted to let you all know that we are getting by, day by day. Not much more than getting out of bed, getting to the chair, doing some picking up, laying down for naps, getting back up to the chair, going to bed. SOOOOOOOOO much stacking up to do, I'll just get the list started.

Thank you for your prayers and calls and notes and meals and offers of vehicles, and....and...and...............Love! You'll never know how much it means to us! We are humbled to have such beautiful family and true friends in our lives.

Ok, it's getting sappy and weepy around here, I better quit before I ruin the keyboard.

LOTS OF LOVE,
The Etcheson's

Blessed!

2008-05-12T10:39:00.002-05:00

WE LOVE MUD!

2008-05-11T08:23:00.004-05:00

From one mama to another, with love!

You can check out all the listings from some of the TOP designers in the boutique community here or by clicking on the banners above. You can read about her family here.

Here's my listing!

I've always said that with me, at my age, already burying two babes, if something ever happened to Man-of-Mine, you might as well check me in. Call ahead to the looney bin, make my reservation, whatever........I'll be a gonner!! I pray daily thanking God for him and always end our morning ritual with, "Be Careful!" I just can't fathom the amount of shock, grief, loss Michele is feeling. Please say an extra prayer for her and her 3 children.

XOXO!

Our night at the 'Memory Place'

2008-05-08T16:27:00.006-05:00

It is hard for me, a mom who has buried two babies there, to call such a special place a 'cemetery'. It is thought of as a place for the dead (another word that I have grown to despise hearing) but I know in my heart that my boys are not 'there'. As I explained to the kids, yes, their bodies are there, but their soul and brand new healthy body are alive and well up in heaven just waiting for us to meet them up there someday. AMEN!! Just another reason for me to strive to make heaven my ultimate eternal home.

Anyhoo, before I got sidetracked, we don't refer to 'the place' like others do, but we call it the 'Memory Place'. We visit often and Man-of-Mine has alotta family there, too. Honestly, my kids love going there. It's up on a slight hill, out in the middle of the country, just to the east of a small pond and is such a relaxing place. The night we had Aaron's graveside service, we had a gorgeous backdrop---a sunset like never before. The only one I can compare it to is back years ago when my Aunt Chris was buried out in Western Kansas.

We took balloons. Each kiddo wrote their own little message for Aaron on the back of their balloon.

For Easter, the 'bunny' left baskets filled with wiffle balls and a bat. Man-of-Mine and the kids enjoyed the gifts on Aaron's birthday.

After dark we made our way home and had cake. (What a great way to end a not-so-great day!)

Happy Birthday, Baby JAE!

2008-04-28T13:06:00.004-05:00

I remember hanging the sonogram pictures in the teacher's lounge at school after finding out he was a boy. We did not have a first name chosen, just a middle name. JAE.....in remembrance of his older angel brother John Adam. So, until he was born he was Baby JAE.

Honestly, today is easier than yesterday. I remember it being this way a year ago, too. You see, I went into labor on the 27th around 7pm. I remember the excitement of getting the kids around and taking them down the road to Grandma Tootie's. I remember recording contractions and waiting until they were every 5 minutes, at least 1 minute long. I remember walking around the garden trying to make time pass faster. I remember Audra spilling her cottage cheese by pure accident and getting on the floor to clean it up. As I stood up, a shooting pain shot through me. (I wholeheartedly believe this is when the abruption occured----his demise. We did not suspect anything at the time.) Within 1.5 hours we were at the hospital. Checking in went fine, as a good family friend was there to comfort us. Then next thing I vividly remember is laying on the bed, the nurse saying, "I'll need to find Dr." I remember looking at Joe, getting his attention away from the tv and saying, "She's saying she can't find the heartbeat." I distinctively remember his facial expression. When the dr. came back in, she ran the sono wand over my tummy and says, "I'm sorry, I don't find a heartbeat." Instantly I am screaming, running toward the door/hallway and back/forth to the bathroom "I TOLD HER!! I TOLD HER!! I TRIED, JOE I TRIED TO TELL HER!!" "Tell her what?" he asked. "I've been telling her on the past 3 visits I'm not doing ok!! I TRIED TO TELL HER!! SHE JUST DIDN'T LISTEN!!"

So last night as 6:00 rolled around I was at the computer bawling. At 7:00, I was in the rocking chair, empty armed, drenched. Then when 10:00 came around you might as well have stuck a fork in me as I was done!

Today has been easier. Aaron was actually delivered early in the morning hours. Now, I am making plans to go to the store and purchase balloons for each sibling to write their special message on and release up to their baby brother. I will also be baking a cake----this year to hold 2 candles.

You'd think that since we've been through this once, it would be easier.........but it's not.

Thank you for hanging on and reading to the end. It truly does mean alot to me, even though I'm not the best at expressing my appreciation face to face.

XOXO
P

I Will Carry You

2008-04-27T19:30:00.004-05:00

Another fine listen.........

I Will Carry You

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One whose chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says...

I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One whose chosen Me
To carry you

Thank you God for directing me to this and thank you Miss Angie for your beautiful soul!!

Crazy Patch Scraps of Life

2008-04-16T16:13:00.004-05:00

I recently read a post from a blog about the book "What I Learned from God While Quilting," I'd like to share.....

"I came across several descriptions of patchwork quilts that seem to be great imagery for our lives. And as a quilter and seamstress for so many years, that was just what I needed to think about at a moment when some "yucky stuff" was hanging around our little world.

The quote that I share this week is about how we all have moments in our life when we look around and see "fragments of our dreams lying in pieces on the floor." And isn't that so much the way our lives are sometimes! When everything we've lived for, worked for, prayed for, and given our time and energy for . . . . suddenly isn't the way we thought it would be. And then, if we choose to, we can sweep up all those little "fragments of our dreams," and toss them in the trash can - or we can let God take all those pieces and stitch them together to make something beautiful. I love patchwork! But when I think about it in terms of my life story, I see how even the "yucky stuff" can be brought into the complete work of art that God is creating of me, and know that the whole masterpiece is beautiful.

So, today, as I consider the different "scraps" of my life and how they have come together in a work of art entitled "My Life," suddenly I see the "yucky stuff" of the past in a completely different light. I especially like crazy patch piecing (and isn't THAT even more appropriate as an analogy for life!) where I can take little bits and pieces of fabric, ribbon, lace, buttons, beads, charms . . . . most of them left overs from other projects, and put them all together in a wonderful design and create something that is not only beautiful but useful, as well. That's the story of our lives. A little of this and a little of that, a few pieces that maybe aren't exactly what we expected, lots of pieces that bring joy, sparkle, and beauty, all together in the finished creation that is "My Life." I hope you think about that when some of the "yucky stuff" comes your way! Pick it up, put it where it belongs, and know that even when your heart is breaking, this "piece" of life will be part of the greater design of YOUR life."

Thank you, Miss Nina, this gives me new perspective for doing what I love to do!

The Crazy Reality

2008-04-07T11:32:00.004-05:00

The crazy in me wants a baby so bad, it consumes my daily thoughts.
The reality is that my God is the one who determines when/if I'll ever conceive again.

The crazy in me sees parents carrying their newborn and makes me think, "What a beautiful baby, I wish they could see my pain and offer to have another for me."
The reality is this couple loves and wants their baby just as much as I want one myself.

The crazy in me wants my older children to still be newborns.
The reality is that I love seeing them grow and mature and wouldn't trade going to all of their activities for nothin'.

The crazy in me would love to adopt or foster.
The reality is I've already had 3 babes stripped away from me, I couldn't ever face having to give back another. And, I just don't have the $30,000 that it takes to do international adoption.

The crazy in me wants to wake up one morning and find a babe in a basket on my front porch.
The reality is that with society the way it is, I'd probably become a suspect for kidnapping when returning it to the police staion.

The crazy in me would love to do IVF.
The reality is that I just don't have the $10,000/try it takes to take a chance at conception as it simply is not a sure bet.

The crazy in me wants to offer up my humble-abode-of-a-womb to carry another struggling couple's blessing baby. (I honestly asked my OBGYN about this as a dear couple friend of ours was looking for a surrogate. I was told, "You need to focus on you!" I've already had 3 c-sections, my body will only take one more.)
The reality is that I can't even successfully carry my own babes to term, who in their right mind would take a chance on me!!

The crazy in me wants a babe to refocus my mind away from my losses.
The reality is that nothing/noone will ever take the place of my losses.

The crazy in me wants someone, friend or stranger, to come forward and offer to have a child for me. Isn't that wacko?
The reality is I could never ask this of someone, it's just not 'normal'.

The crazy in me wants to use a surrogate mother.
The reality is that I just don't have the $50,000 laying around in spare change. Plus, I still have the burning desire to be pregnant and nurse again.

The crazy in me is going crazy.
The reality is that I'm such a pro in puttin on a good front that people pretty much don't ever mention or remember Aaron, let alone Adam, let alone Mae.

The crazy in me sees other 2 yr olds, 7 yr olds and 11 yr olds and it makes me imagine how it should be for our family to fill our full-size conversion van.
The reality is that if Adam was with us, I may not have my Austin and if Aaron was here, I may not have the next blessing that I truly believe God is preparing to give us.

The crazy in me can go on and on and on.........with 'crazies'.
The reality is that with God's grace, I don't have to dwell (yet still wonder sometimes) on ALL these 'crazies' because all I have to do is lift them up to Him and let Him deal with them.

After all, He is sovereign and He has the game planned and drawn out--I just have to continue to stay in the game and play it.

P

Check IT out!

2008-04-04T02:52:00.007-05:00

My internet has been down for 3 days and man, have I gotten alot done around here. (no comment from Man of Mine)

Once again, the ladies at Etsy have done a beautiful job! We did the Premiere Launch of the Ginger Blossom fabric and now are in full swing of the Encore Launch.

I wasn't able to list anything during the first launch but have listed one set and will be adding the halter top probably Saturday or Sunday. I will again say, this fabric is stunning.

Oh, and for your enjoyment, here are a couple other new listings as well.

Thanks for peeking,
Have a SUPER weekend!!

To Those Who Look Away...

2008-03-19T22:21:00.001-05:00

To Those Who Look Away:
To those who look away when I grow teary-eyed walking past the baby department, look a little deeper. Surely you have some compassion in your heart. To those who change the subject when I speak my son's name, change your way of thinking. It just might change your whole life. To those who roll their eyes and say that we barely had him at all, how could we miss him so much, in my heart I have seen him live a thousand times. I have seen his first steps, first day of school, his wedding, and his children. I have him forever in my mind. To those who say to get on with my life, I have. It is a different life now, the life of a grieving mother. One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for, but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of. Do not judge the bereaved mother. I come in many forms. I am breathing, but I am dying. I may look young, but inside I have become ancient. I smile, but my heart sobs. I walk, I talk, I cook, I clean, I work, I AM , but I AM NOT, all at once. I am here, but part of me is elsewhere for eternity. Do not dismiss me! I have shaped more than just the future generation. I have released a tiny angel who is watching over you. Open your eyes to US and you just might see him.

~~~ Author Unknown ~~~

Thanks to Miss Cheryl!

Ginger Blossom!

2008-03-04T22:02:00.006-06:00

The children's custom boutique community has been a buzz for months in anticipation of the launch of Ginger Blossom by Sandi Henderson. Sandi has stepped out on a new adventure and taken the leap into the world of fabric design. Her risk paid off! The gorgeous new fabric line, produced by Michael Miller, is helping etsy designers to create gorgeous, romantic and extraordinary designs for our launch.
Every fabric in this line is utilized by one designer or another. While the fabric will be the same, the designs will be far from similar. Each designer has taken a unique approach to the drape, feel and silhouette this fabric will take in their one-of-a-kind designs.Still working on mine, but I'll be sure to reveal when finished.

Etsy!

2008-02-21T11:36:00.006-06:00

I have been selling on ebay for 4 years now and am excited about adding a new selling site. Etsy is an entirely handmade selling venue and the quality of gifts for sale there are amazing. Each seller has their own shop, there's no bidding and all items have a fixed price so it's more like shopping in a boutique. Please stop by and take a peek! Spring is on the way, I tend to lean toward the spring/summer seasons for my designs.

I will continue to do craft shows in the fall, with the exception being if I'm pregnant by that time. These are my favorite selling venue because I love the face-to-face relations with my customers. I usually wind up spending 1/2 of what I make, but I enjoy seeing what others have to offer.

Baby Boys

2008-01-30T15:55:00.000-06:00

My precious Babes...........

Miss Hope~~

2008-01-29T17:37:00.000-06:00

Diane and Travis are friends of mine...they are a year younger than me, graduated in the class below me. Justin is 3 years younger. I am truly humbled by their family's faith. Please remember them in prayer as Hope earned her wings this past month.

Miss Hope...singing...In Christ Alone

Smallest and Wingless

2008-01-23T09:15:00.001-06:00

luv it, luv it, luv it................please listen.

Smallest and Wingless
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=8454806

To the Mama Without the Baby

2008-01-22T13:11:00.000-06:00

(another fine read..............)

To the mama without the baby

You despair and you rage, and you are not alone.

All of us in this corner have suffered the same loss of different stripes, different circumstances, all of us wandering this earth with holes blown through our souls.

We can look you in the eye and accept your rage and receive it, relate to it, even just be in the same room with it.

You are both a victim and a masochist. You never want to leave the house again. You imagine a pulse like in apocalyptic movies that sweeps over populations of picturebook mommies and daddies, rendering them limp like rag dolls, not hurt but hit by an explosive wave of acknowledgement that forces them despite their whole, healthy children to pause for a moment, to be touched by this blackness.

It'll feel that way for a while.

Then one day the hole will have a layer of cheesecloth stretched over it, diffusing the howling wind. Then two layers, then three. Holes will be ripped through it when you least expect. Other days you'll not even feel a draft, like it’s been blocked up for good with mortar and brick, and you’ll resent that protection for how it buffers you from the rawness, from all you know of your son or daughter.

Your heart will figure out how to hold on and let go at the same time.

Write if you can, or make art, or be alone, whatever you need. Don’t apologize for a single thing.

And feel us out here, sisters standing beside you.

~~~written by 'sweet/salty'

The Pit!

2008-01-18T13:27:00.001-06:00

This came from another bereaved parent. This, too, can apply toward family.

I fell into the pit 7 years ago this month. I thought I was at the top, about ready to climb out, went back to work outside my home even, only to fall in again 21 months ago.

~~~~The day my child died, I fell into the pit of grief. My friends watched me struggle through daily life; waiting for the person I once was to arise from the pit, not realizing "she" is gone forever.

The pit is full of darkness, heartache and despair; it paralyzes your thoughts, movements and ability to ration. The pit leaves you forever changed, unable to surface the person you once were.

Some of my pre-grief friends gather around the top of the pit, waiting for the old me to appear before their eyes, not understanding whats taking me so long to emerge. After all, in their eyes, I've been in the pit for quite sometime. Yet in my eyes, it seems as if I fell in only yesterday.

Not all of my pre-grief friends are gathered around the top of the pit. Some are helping me with the climb out of the darkness. They climb side by side with me from time to time, but mostly they climb ahead of me, waiting patiently at each plateau. Even with these friends I sometimes wonder if they are also waiting for the pre-grief me to magically appear before their eyes.

Then there are the casual acquaintances, you know the ones who say, "Hi, how are you?" when they really don't care or really want to know. These are the people who sigh in relief, that it is my child who died and not theirs. You know ... the "better them, than me" attitude.

My post-grief friends are the ones who climb with me, side by side, inch by inch, out of the pit of grief. They have no way of comparing the pit climber to the pre-grief person I once was. You see, they started at the bottom of the pit with me. They are able to reassure me when I need reassurance, rest when I need resting, and encourage me to move forward when I don't have the strength. They have no expectations, no memories and no recollection of how I "should" be. They want me to get better, to smile more often and find joy in life, but they also accepted the person I've become. The "person" who is emerging from the pit.

Author Unknown

Happy Christmas!

2007-12-20T22:58:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas, may your New Year be filled with "More Christ!"

(Have you ever thought of it that way, Christmas means More Christ?) Amen!!

I decided to send my end of the year greetings via blogland. I haven't done a letter in years nor have we had family pics taken since Austin was born. Sooooo, with a couple of posts back, having shared our family pics (that I was very reluctant to take/share) I am now taking/finding the time to post and say, "HEY! We're still here!" and "Merry Christmas, may your New Year be filled with More Christ!"

JANUARY~~The kids enjoy their sledding with cousins. Their sled is a VW bug hood which works awesome because it has a lip in the front to cut through the snow. Joe hooks it to the backhoe and makes 'speed bumps' with the bucket to add to the excitement. They LOVE it!!

FEBRUARY~~(not many pics from this month of the kiddos so I'll fill in with this)I am still doing my sewing 'thing'. I do craft shows, sell on ebay and do custom work for clients as well. My business is called Adam's Harvest, Vintage Gifts Celebrating Bountiful Blessings!It keeps me busy, especially my mind!!

MARCH~~Rain, Rain, Go Away! This has been the wettest year since I've lived here. We got major rains in March and several times since. Everything was saturated, bumping back planting/harvesting times, flooding the rivers/roads, and many homes in the area were damaged.Luckily ours sits up on a hill and we're far enough away from a creek/river/stream that even though we couldn't get to town by any means, at least we didn't get any damage. I remember when we were little playing in the ditches by the ball diamonds and the kids had such a blast playing in the road, too. It was warm enough for them to spend about 30-45 minutes in it.

APRIL~~When Joe's cousin, Barry, 'retired' from the Navy he thought it would be awesome to take a bike trip to Florida with all the guys. They planned the trip a month before the show WILD HOGS! came out. It was perfect timing. I think they saw the movie 3 times. So, 4 of them headed out and picked up 3 more along the way and eventually made it to Daytona. They hit every Harley Davidson dealership and every Hooters they came to. It was a great time for them to just get out and be young and dumb again. They are all pushing 50 so it really was great for them to go. They talk about it becoming an annual 'tour', I honestly hope it does because they really had a great time!Austin especially liked Uncle Loulie's new bike!!

MAY~~School ends, Summer begins. Oh, how I loved summer when I was teaching. Now that the girls are in 4-H, full-time, summer means lotsa work/chores. We purchased two heifers for their bucket calf project. Audra made a gathered skirt and a pillow for her clothing project. Adi made a dress and a pair of pajamas for her clothing project. Adi made salsa and green beans in food preservation. Audra received a blue on her skirt which was sent to district fair, and a red on her pillow. Adi received a blue on her dress as well as a plaque for "Best use of Pattern and Material" and a blue at district fair. She also received a blue on her salsa and beans, which both went on to district fair. Her salsa received Reserve Grand Champion and went on to Missouri State Fair where all items exhibited received a blue. They both received blue ribbons on their calves.Austin got to show Adi's calf at the Pee Wee Bucket Calf Show and did great. Audra won a plaque for "Best First Year in Beef Project, Girl" at our county fair. I was so proud of them all!! This was our 3rd year in 4-H but the first year we got to exhibit at the fair. Oh yeah, they both were enrolled in poultry but figured out they really wanted nothing to do with the birds, and didn't like gathering the eggs daily. Needless to say, we didn't take any to the fair.

JUNE~~Our past 2 years have been full of summer softball. Two years ago, Adi played on a summer league and a traveling team. Audra played only summer league. This past year they both played only traveling team. This coming summer I believe we'll go back to doing both summer and travel league. Audra just needs to play on her level more to build her skills. She is the designated runner for our pitcher on travel league but just doesn't get what she needs to practice her skills on the field. We love the competition of the travel league but the play time for Audra in the summer league. (Audra was playing 14 and under league when she is only 9.) She does get to play left field occasionally. Adi plays first base and does a wonderful job.

JULY~~Mama got a girls out weekend. We went up to KC and stayed at Harrah's. We went to the Verizon outside theater and saw Toby Keith and Miranda Lambert. A good time was had by all I believe.

AUGUST~~After a long day of school shopping, we hit one of our fav spots.Adi is in 6th grade this year, Audra is in 4th and Austin started preschool. He could have gone into kindygarten, but with him being a June bday, I know from experience, it is best for him to wait. Adi and Audra enjoy going, not that they particularly enjoy 'school' but they do enjoy their friends. Austin started fussing about having to get up in the mornings so I yanked him out in November. I told him he could go back after Christmas, so he'll start back the 2nd week of Jan. He learned his lesson.

SEPTEMBER~~We traveled up to northeast Kansas to celebrate Granny's 98th birthday. We got to spend time with mom's side of the family which is always a joy---thinking back to the times we spent at Granny's house with cousins, aunts, uncles, etc..... My aunt and uncle's house is like a museum. He goes hunting, big time hunting, and displays his prizes. Aunt Linda collects dolls and her display case is beautiful.

OCTOBER~~Not many pictures from this month. Adi turned 12 and I turned 38. We had the annual bonfire for Man-of-Mine's Aunt Toots that she puts on for all the doctors and nursing staff at the hospital where she works. I think the numbers were down but there were still at least 80 people here that night. The girls played volleyball again this year. We had baby chicks. Austin went to the pumpkin patch with his preschool. We stayed busy, I just can't imagine why I don't have pictures of all these things, sorry!

NOVEMBER~~Finally, after being rescheduled two times, we got to go see Austin's favorite------yep, you guessed it, WILLIE NELSON!!
We had great seats and he did a wonderful job.Austin fell asleep toward the end but he woke back up to go see him sign autographs. We were hoping for a signed cowboy hat, but we were just too far back. Next time, maybe.

DECEMBER~~It seems as though we've had a month long Christmas break. We went to KS for Thanksgiving, came home for 10 or so days, got an enormous amount of ice that knocked out our power for 8 days so went home again, came home for 5 or so days, went back out to KS for Christmas for 10 days.
We were living like back in the days of Laura Ingalls, cookin over the open fire (fireplace, carrying around the oil lamp room to room, going to bed early, etc... We even found time to go out and cut down the annual cedar tree from Uncle Loulie's pasture. We think it grew in the back of the truck on the way home. As you can see, it was a good 12 feet tall and I had to move furniture to find it a place. Thank goodness for the cathedral ceiling.I found (made) the time to make 4 dozen or more sugar cookies for teachers, friends and Joe. (I received a new recipe from a 'neighbor' and he prefers it over the one I've used the past several years.) Christmas was extra special this year as my big bro returned from Iraq mid November. He and his family drove from VA and so we were all together in the same town for the holidays.
I believe everyone was grateful and thankful for their gifts and received all and more that they asked for. Now to get the "Thank Yous!" done and mailed out.
XOXO

Granny, You're #1!!

2007-09-26T17:16:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday, to You,
Happy Birthday, to You,
Happy Birthday, dear Granny,
Happy Birthday, to Yeeeeeeeeoooooooooooo!

Granny's the big 98, yes that's right, I said 9-8........98! (Man of Mine didn't know what he was getting himself into as two of her sisters lived to see 100+. I'll betcha' I'll be around fer awhile!) Can you say, "Parrrrrrrrtyyyyy!"

Granny, who swore she'd never be called "Granny" and has been called "Granny" ever since the day she swore she'd never be called "Granny", lived off and on going back and forth from her home in Dodge City, KS, to my aunt's place in NE KS durning the winter for many years, before finally moving in full-time up there and staying for the past 5 or so years. This past year, she finally moved into an adult care facility, not quite a nursing home, but the nurse visits regularly, her room is right outside the kitchen, there's a patio out back, a huge fireplace in the entrance foyer, and etc...... We went to visit last weekend and had a really nice time. She was pooped and had her jammers on by 4:40. My aunt went into her room and asked her what she was doing with her pants off and she said she was going to bed. Aunt Linda said, "Mom, it's only twenty minutes til five." According to Granny, her day (body) was over (pooped). She'd had enough, I guess.

She has lost alot of her hearing so struggles trying to carry on a conversation, especially if there's alot of background noise. She used to make quilts, embroidered tea towels, crocheted towels, crocheted christmas ornaments, and crocheted doilies. However, she has the macular degeneration within her eyes so has lost most of her eyesight, too. We brought some of the things she had given us to share with her as well as her party guests. She did beautiful work. I took the first quilt she made me that was on my bed every winter. I took the quilt I received from her when I graduated high school. (never been used nor washed)Sunbonnet Sue

I took the quilt I was given when I got married. (never been used nor washed) Bowtie

Mom and Aunt Linda made a living tree with pics of her at different stages in her life, hanging some bows, doilies and ornaments on it. She blew out both candles. She then enjoyed the afternoon sharing with her guests.

I love, love, love, my Granny. I tried several times to sit and learn to crochet. I just don't have the patience. I have taken up the quilting and sewing, though. I remember her most for taking my sister and I camping and fishing with Granpa to the Ford County Lake. One night a storm moved in and we wound up backing up and driving back to town but still sleeping out in the camper in the driveway. They had one of those pickup bed camper tops.

We had some good family time, XOXO, WE LOVE YOU GRANNY!!

The New 'Normal'..........

2007-09-15T11:25:00.000-05:00

With school starting, girls in volleyball, Austin starting preschool, watching kids again, blah, blah, blah, (as we all well know) things have been busy yet calming getting back into a more scheduled routine. Daily I write a new blog post in my head and I've started carrying the camera more often. It's taking the time to make myself sit down and post where I've failed the last month.

Anywoo, Miss Julie shared a beautiful 'hit the nail on the head' post that I would like to share. (hmmmm, maybe that is some of the problem, too. i take more time out to read others blogs that mine sometimes takes the back seat. hmmmm.) I LOVE LOVE LOVE her picture at the end at their memory place with her family. We do visit our memory place every month and the kids love to go walk through talking about all the people they're related to. Man of Mine's family is huge and there are about 24 relatives from both sides of his laid to rest up there. One of these days I'll get our family pic up there. It truly is a beautiful setting; up on a hill, in the country, aged pine trees, pond to the west and I especially remember Aaron's graveside service last year in April. I specifically wanted a sunset service and we made it perfectly on time. It was beautiful! Waters Cemetery is part of our normal. One day I'll share more.

Also, this poem can help others realize why our (those of us who have lost a babe) minds are not as clear as they once were. The trauma has forever clouded our daily routines, activities, relationships, etc....We're still trying to find our new 'normal'.

"A Bereaved Mother's New Normal"

From the heart of a bereaved Mother...This is now what "normal" is...

Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family's life.

Normal for me is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, July 4th and Easter.

Normal is feeling like you know how to act and are more comfortable at a funeral than a wedding or birthday party.. yet feeling a stab of pain in your heart when you smell the flowers and see the casket.

Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything.

Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand 'what ifs' and 'why didn't I's' go through your head constantly.

Normal is reliving that day continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away.

Normal is having the TV on the minute you walk into the house to have noise, because silence is deafening.

Normal is staring at every baby who looks like she is my baby's age and then thinking of the age she would be now and not being able to imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen.

Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind because of the hole in my heart.

Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds, and yet realizing it has become a part of my "normal".

Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your child's memory and their birthday and survive these days, trying to find the balloon or flag that fits the occasion. Happy Birthday? Not really.

Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special that reminds me of my baby. Thinking how she would have loved it, but how she's not here to enjoy it.

Normal is having some people afraid to even mention my baby.

Normal is making sure that others remember her.

Normal is that after the funeral is over, everyone else goes on with their lives but we will continue to grieve our loss forever.

Normal is weeks, months and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse sometimes, not better.

Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lossed a child. NOTHING. Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare. Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural.

Normal is trying not to cry all day, because I know my mental health depends on it.

Normal is realizing I do cry everyday.

Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone, but someone stricken with grief over the loss of your child.

Normal is feeling a common bond with friends on the computer in England, Australia, Canada, the Netherlands and all over the USA, but never having met any of them face to face.

Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and crying together over our children and our new lives.

Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. "God may have done this because..." I love God. I know that my baby is in Heaven, but hearing people try to make up excuses as to why healthy babies are taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother.

Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did laundry or if there is any food in the house.

Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have two children or one, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that my baby is in Heaven. Yet when you say you have one child to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed your baby.

Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours.

Normal is knowing I will never get over the loss, in a day or a million years.

And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone else around you will think you are "normal".
~Author Unknown~

The only other 'normal' I have to add is.........this is my new normal, normal.
This entire poem is my daily mindset, routine, emotions.......................times 3.

Vegetarian????? Not yet, but close......

2007-08-23T13:31:00.000-05:00

After being inspired by Sandi, here's my attempt at sharing the veggies. (my pics don't compare in any way, shape or form to hers)

This year has been so rewarding when it comes to our garden. Last year I had a VERY difficult time having anything to do with the garden as I specifically remember the garden being the last place I was before leaving to go to town to have Aaron. I remember having labor pains and knew that I was to wait to go in until I had contractions that lasted at least 45 seconds long, every 2 minutes. (that's what 'the class' taught me anyway) So, I remember walking through the garden wih Man of Mine, holding my belly, carrying and watching the watch, and wondering to myself, "Is this really it?" That in itself left a sour feeling for me to return to after having lost Aaron due to placenta abruption, wondering when exactly the abruption occured. Was it when I was walking around in the garden? Why didn't I go in when I first felt the contractions? Why?????Why?????Why?????

This year, I look at the harvest and can't help but think that Aaron is helping me heal by providing us such a bountiful combination of produce. (I know it's a God thing, but as any of you know who have lost a babe, everything in our 'new normal world' revolves back to our loss.) I actually feel closer to Aaron when I'm out working in the garden.

Anyhoo, we have picked 3 cantaloupe (first time ever), and this being Man of Mine's least liked food, that is an acheivement in itself. I have actually witnessed him tasting one piece. It had to be the one that Austin hadn't yet devoured. I'm surprised he hasn't had orange stools considering how much cantaloupe he has inhaled the past 2 weeks. The kid loves it.

Our okra is an every day job now. We have 4 rows of it and my, how it grows. We pick two big baggies a day. We've eaten batter friend okra, bacon/squash/okra fried up together (delish!), baked okra with oil and garlic powder (yjm, yum), and tonight we're trying it in the crockpot alongside the roast. If you have a great recipe for okra, my family would LOVE to try it. Leave a comment below if you'd like to share. My favorite way of eating okra is pickled, but I haven't yet braved that one.

The beans are just coming out of the summer slump. HOT! HOT! HOT! here the past 2 weeks.

We put in 6 rows of sweet corn. A friend harvested and sold hers at the farmer's market for $5 a dozen. To me, that's a little expensive but we went ahead and overplanted for our needs so we'll be able to sell some in early October.

The tomatoes are starting to really put on. We have many different varieties on around 14-16 plants. The favorites this year are the salmon ones. Nice and Sweet. We picked some from my BIL/SIL place a couple weeks ago and made some spaghetti sauce. Usually we make salsa but I wanted to try spaghetti sauce this time. I wasn't impressed. Maybe I need a different recipe. I certainly need more tomatoes to put up more salsa. Our family eats alot for an evening snack.

Our yellow crookneck squash had bugs but after spraying they're starting to look much healthier. One plant never got bugs and it is huge! There are about 7-8 squash that are going to be ready in about 3-4 days. (mmmmmmmmm!!)

Our peppers really didn't do very good, they're doing better now that we've had them mulched the past several weeks. Not sure that they'll ever really come out of it. There's always next year.

Our onions, yellow and red, haven't done very well the last couple of years. They top out and then die down leaving us a little larger than golf ball sized bulbs to dig up. I'll have to do some reading up on them to see how we can be more productive with them.

Man of Mine enjoys the gardening. I think it's the farmer in him. They say farming is in the blood and that's what his family did all his life. I think it's his way of working the ground, planting and harvesting his own little field. He does a good job of putting in new things, too. He just sowed lettuce and radishes last weekend.

Voting time

2007-08-17T09:55:00.001-05:00

First off, I HATE HAVING MY PICTURE TAKEN! I was at my heaviest after having Austin, 5 yrs ago, then I lost 45lbs, then gained it back when pregnant with Aaron......needless to say I haven't lost it.

Since my cousin is practicing with photography, I volunteered our family for 'experimentation'. Here are a few of shots he took on Wednesday night of us around the farm. It was short notice so our wardrobe was thrown together. Not all of us had black, not all of us had white so we collaborated on black and white.

I am including several shots and would like your input as to which you like best. I will be asking Tony to make them each in black and white to include as choices also, but was so excited to receive these raw shots before any editing.

Which do you like? Please leave a comment below. I appreciate your honesty.

XOXO
P

"Blessed"

2007-08-16T13:33:00.000-05:00

Even though I have babes that I miss with all my heart, and babes that I ache to still have to hold in my arms, I am truly blessed with the ones I have.

Blessed Lyrics - Martina McBride -

I get kissed by the sun each morning
Put my feet on a hardwood floor
I get to hear my children laughing
Down the hall through the bedroom door
Sometimes I sit on my front porch swing
Just soaking up the day
I think to myself, I think to myself
This world is a beautiful place
I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessedAcross a crowded room
I know you know what I'm thinking
By the way I look at you
And when we're lying in the quiet
And no words have to be said
I think to myself, I think to myself
This love is a beautiful giftWhen I'm singing my kids to sleep
When I feel you holding me
I knowI have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every dayI have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessedI received this song from a very good friend several years back who was in MOPS with me. I have loved it ever since and love that it changed the way I look at my life.

Momsense

2007-08-08T15:11:00.000-05:00

Wordless Wednesday.......too true, too funny!

Here's some total Momsense..........

Where I Used To Have A Heart.........

2007-07-31T18:26:00.001-05:00

by Martina McBride

Lyrics
(Craig Bickhardt)

Where I used to have a heart
Feels like a mile wide ditch
I got a hole inside
The doctor just can't stitch
Gone without a trace
You left a hollow place
There's not a stone to mark
Where I used to have a heart

There were times when I would hold you
And feel the pounding in my chest
Now I'm just as empty
As a canyon way out west
That's how deep I love you
Babe, I love you still
To the bottom of this space
I'll never fill

I guess I'll learn to live with
A different kind of pain
I'm suffering from a sickness
That I cannot give a name
Such a strange sensation
I've never felt before
Missing you has cut me to the core

Where I used to have a heart
Feels like a mile wide ditch
I got a hole inside
The doctor just can't stitch
Gone without a trace
You left a hollow place
There's not a stone to mark
Where I used to have a heart

Today was the day..........I cleared the changing table of all of Aaron's things. Exactly 1yr, 3mo, and 3days later.......since he's had his wings.

I will be watching kids again this school year here at the house and they'll be here in 3 weeks. I will have the same group plus 1. A dear friend of mine had a baby boy in May so I will be watching him along with his sisters. (I had them last year as well.) So........that means lots of diaper changes.

I did ok until I came to the outfit that I received from a friend with a baseball on it knowing how much time we would be spending at the ballpark. This romper was the perfect color or blew to match the girls' uniforms.

Then came the clothes he should be in right now. A friend and a cousin's daughter had given me tubs of clothes their boys had outgrown so I had his wardrobe for the year on the table.

I had given all my newborn diapers, both packs, to my friend Mel at the end of May for her new arrival, but I missed one.

I am at ease watching Hunter. His mama is a dear friend who has been a huge support to me through both Adam's loss and Aaron's. She was on a medical leave back when I was pregnant with Adam and asked me to substiture during her extended leave. I began teaching for her in October and Adam was born January 11. So we went through it together. Then again last year, I was teaching Kindergarten and she was teaching 1st Grade. She had been in to check on me earlier in the week, asked me how I was feeling. Unbenounced to me, she had had a dream the night before that things didn't go well with Aaron's birth. So after he was born and we lost him, she went with me to the memory place and shared this with me. We were both in tears and just broke down. She felt guilty about not saying anything to me. I know how much she loves her children and wanted a baby boy after having 2 girls herself and a step-daughter. It will be the first time that I've held a babe in my arms since Aaron. I'm sure it will be an emotional first couple of weeks but I will get used to it.

It's not these parents and babes that make me angry. It does make me jealous but doesn't make the anger swell in me. It's the parents like the lady I heard about on the news last night. She had gone to the hospital for complications, found that she had delivered a baby but couldn't find the babe. They finally found it in the backyard buried and after more searching, they had found 3 more babes, not full term, buried there also. WHAT is going on in these peoples' heads? There are those of us who are ACHING to have a babe and here she is making these choices. These ARE the parents that make me angry.

I want another babe. To fill the hole where I used to have a heart. I don't want to do adoption, $10,000-$30,000. I don't want people in my home nosing around telling me what I can and can't have nor telling me if I am a good mother or not. I AM a good mother. I don't want to do invitro $10,000. I am grateful for those who have never conceived before that they have this option. And I don't want to do surrogacy 30,000-50,000. I just want another babe naturally by myself. I dream about finding a newborn on my porch to be left for me to care for and that I didn't have to report it to the authorities. Is that crazy or what? I long to nurse another newborn. I give myself until I am 40, 3 more years, to fill my dream of naturally conceiving. Then I will try and move on.......knowing that it's my will, not God's.

NILMDTS

2007-07-19T20:31:00.000-05:00

To some this may be a sensitive post but it is one that is dear and near to my heart.

I came across the organization NILMDTS, Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, several months ago, Feb. '07, 10 months after losing Aaron. I sooooo wish I could have been familiar with them before our loss. We lost Adam back in 2001 and with Cheryl and Sandy starting the organization after Cheryl lost her son Maddux in 2005, it was not an option at that time. If our hospitals in the area would have been more familiar with their services, I could have been a member sooner and could have benefited from their services. Let me say right now, this is a heart calling and these photographers do a BEAUTIFUL job. (I wish I could think of a word that means 'more than beautiful' because honestly 'beautiful' is an understatement, but right now I can't, I'm just anxious to share their work.)

I believe in my heart that there isn't anything more precious than photos to hold the memories of my boys. We have some truly gorgeous photos that we ourselves took but let me tell you, they are nothing like the ones I've seen the volunteer photographers produce. (and rightfully so considering all their training and our lack of :) I have carried an album of Adam in my purse for 6 years now and at any time can open it and share my oh-so-missed angel with anyone who might ask. As I said, ours are not professional photos but they're still heirlooms. I also have a poster scrapbooked and several individual pages printed with Aaron that I have shared with many as well.

These photographers donate their time to come to the hospitals and photograph the families as well as to edit them and put them on a cd with the appropriate musical background accompaniament. There is NO charge to the hospital and NO charge to the families. WOW!! What an offering of Love.

Please feel free to visit the NILMDTS website and learn more if you feel lead. If you don't find a photographer in your area and would be interested in helping get this started in your area, you may contact Sam Puc or Cheryl Haggard via email from the website or they just hired a fulltime Executive Director, Jessica Roe, whom you may contact also.

I am currently the parent volunteer for the Joplin area. I have learned that one of the most talented photographers in Joplin, Lagow Portrait Designs, Inc., has recently joined the volunteer list and I hope to meet with them within the next couple of weeks. I will be sending brochures and 'my story' informational letters out to other photographers in August to get more volunteers and hope to meet with both of the hospitals, too. I am excited about this work with this organization as I am needing a place to focus my mind. (I am still sewing which helps but this will bring opportunities to leave the house for meetings and such.)

I have place several links to different media sources that have shared the organization with the public. Please click and listen/watch these short takes they've done.

Thank you for reading and don't hesitate to leave a comment to this heartfelt post.

In Christ's Love,
P

God is Great, But Life Ain't Always Good

2007-07-03T00:33:00.000-05:00

My current fave song is Martina McBride's hit, Anyway. My favorite lyrics being,

"God is great, but life ain't always good. When I pray, it doesn't always turn out like I think it should. But I do it anyway, I do it anyway."

We went in on June 13th for a HSG. Things are open and the next 3 months are said to be the best time for conception. Please keep us in your prayers. It's such a trying time. It doesn't go away for moment, the thought of another babe to fill the void, the broken heart, the hole. There is nothing that would/could take the place of the beautiful family I currently have, but I pray that God has more for me!!

In Christ's Divine Love,
P

Proud of You!

2007-06-27T15:59:00.000-05:00

Found this video made by a 15yo girl, very moving............

Grossly belated "Thank You For What You Do!", "Proud of You!", and "I Love and Miss You!" goes out to my older brother, a company commander, Lt. Col., currently serving in Balad, Iraq. You are an inspiration to me.

XOXO
P

a little inspiration for us all.........

2007-06-27T15:06:00.000-05:00

read this today......loved it......thought i'd share

I heard the Lord say to me that His people have no clue how to treat prayer.
He said we are not completely accepting His Words on prayer. We are
treating our prayers like the world treats playing the LOTTO.

When people play the LOTTO, especially when the money is higher than normal,
they all want to buy a chance to win. They will drive out of state and go
out of their way to get at least one chance to win. They will even share in
the purchase of a ticket just to get a piece of the prize. He said that we
are not true believers when we pray we know there is a "prize" we even know
where to go to "buy the prize". We pray and we try to line it up with the
Word of God. We take a chance, but when we pray and we "we do not get the
prize" we say, it was not HIS will. He said to me, do you and the rest of
my people not know I say you are My children????

Children of God do not need to treat prayer as a "chance" to "win the
prize". My children have an INHERITANCE. My children do not need to take
a chance at their prayers being answered but they need to stay and wait for
their inheritance. They need to know that just as if one of their very own
family members died today and they saw their will written out with the
specific inheritance for them on that paper, they need to know I have
written one for each one of My children.

I have planned each one of your inheritances from before you were born. I
have always had one for you and you are entitled to it. You do not have to
pray and give up. Trust that when you are seeking me and asking for wisdom
and guidance, I will give it!!! I will give you that. I am putting your
prayers into alignment to pray for your inheritance. I am putting it in
you. Keep seeking and pray it through. Do not give up. Do not stop and
treat it like a chance. This is not by chance. This is My plan for you.

I do not want you to receive the inheritance without preparing you. When a
person wins the Lotto, they are not ready for it. They do not know how to
invest it. They do not treasure it. They do not have the wisdom for it.

I am GOD and I will not let My children be that foolish. I will give you
each specific inheritances. I have stored up for you treasures. Different
treasures. Godly treasures. I am preparing you now. Now is the time that
I am developing your character. Now is the time I am strengthening you.
Now is the time I am developing relationships to be used in ministries. I
am giving wisdom to you. I am giving you more inside of you to use when you
receive the inheritance I have planned to give you.

You will see the miracles. You will see your prayers answered. You will
see the harvest come in. You will see healings. You will see total
deliverances. You will have the financial breakthroughs. You will see dead
things resurrected. You will be in the REVIVAL!!! AND YOU WILL KNOW HOW TO
HANDLE IT ALL!!!! You will know how to handle this because where you are
now is in the middle of My hands. You are in the middle of MY WILL. You
are not doing anything wrong.

You have not missed anything. I am your God and you are MINE. My child
stay in My Word, sit at My feet. I am loving this time, I am pulling you
closer. Come closer and I am going to keep preparing you.

Busy, Busy, Busy!!

2007-06-26T14:42:00.001-05:00

We've been roller-skating, 4 wheeling, sewing, playing ball, working with calves, celebrating a birthday, playing more ball, etc...

Our 4-H club always has a party the last meeting of the year so we went to the skating rink. Of course the kiddos loved it. We don't ever go skating unless invited. I remember when I was little, mom would drop us off every Saturday morning and we were there until noon.
(I say we when reflecting back on my childhood because I have a twin sister and most always we did everything together.) We skated every week. Ahhhhhhh, those were the days.

The girls play softball on Monday nights and then, again, this weekend we were in a tournament. We finished 3rd place (out of 7 teams) in our first tournament a couple weeks ago and took 6th place (out of 11 teams) this weekend. We are improving in all areas except at bat. I know, I know, that's where it counts. We've come a LONG way and will continue to get better.
As we were still at the ballpark on Sunday, we got to talking about making bags for a fundraiser. Here's one I put together today. There are things I'd do differently, things I'd add, etc... so this one is mine. You can't see it perfectly but it has a baseball (softballs are a bright yellow/green with red stitches) print and chenille sides and bottom. It'll work for me and it makes me glad that I'm not in the totebag business. It wasn't as exciting as I'd thought it'd be to put together. But, it did turn out nice and 'cute' to the eye.

I heard Man of Mine pull in the drive late morning last week driving the dump truck. He informs me he has a load of wood shavings to use around the place. Later
that evening, in he comes with another load. So......they've been dug in, hauled around in the wagon, drove over, carried in the back door, but not yet 'used'. One day, my friends, one day. Here are the kids with Man of Mine on top of the pile.

The girls gave their calves their first bath and they did GREAT!! I will be giving them another one this week as the girls are now at 4-H camp for the next 3 days. I was surprised at how well the calves took it. We did find that we needed to treat for 'buggies' but that's an easy fix. We had a fun afternoon together however, we all 3 were sunburned.

Yes, my baby boy turned 5 this past week. He celebrated at the ballpark with the girls' ballteam and loved his gifts of a dodgeram pickup hauling a horse trailer with 3 horses, a card game, a set of walkie talkies, and a handheld radio. He could go to Kindygarden, but with Mama being a former Kindy/1st grade teacher, I chose to keep him out a year. He'll do 1/2 day preschool 5 days/wk next year and then go to regular school the following year. I can't imagine having him in my class as young as he is. Man of Mine thinks it's just because I've spoiled him but he is just a babe. He's a cute little babe, too if I do say so myself.

I apologize for the multiple subject post but thought I'd catch you all up and be better staying on top of things with more scheduled posts. I'll try.

The Four H's......4-H

2007-06-07T19:23:00.000-05:00

"I pledge my head to clearer thinking,
My heart to greater loyalty,
My hands to larger service,
And my health to better living, for my club, my community, my country and my world."

As long as I can remember I was in 4-H, and when I was younger than 8, I was at all the meetings with my older brother. My mother was our Club Leader and I was always enrolled in Clothing, Cooking, Breads, Arts & Crafts, and one very long year of Sheep.

Well, the torch has passed and now it's my kiddos' turns.

Adi is enrolled in Clothing, Poultry, Bucket Calf, Food Preservation and Child Development. Here's a sneaky peak at one of her clothing articles.

Audra is enrolled in Clothing, Bucket Calf and Poultry. Here's a sneaky peak at one of her finished projects.

Austin is just along for the ride of it all, helping out with all the projects. He helps gather eggs, feed the calves, dig in the garden and wants to sew a boy pillow really bad. He keeps saying, "I'm big enough to sew!"

I was raised in town, I couldn't get you to any of my friends' houses except the 3 who lived right on the highway. I only did 1 year of animal projects because of living in town. Now, look at me. I LOVE LIVING IN THE COUNTRY!! You couldn't give me a house in town. When I go stay with my parents, it drives me nuts....the neighbor's dog barking....constant stream of cars going by making me worry about the kids being outside by themselves....the rush rush rush of the city in general....not being able to see the complete night sky full of stars and sounds of the bullfrogs, song birds and crickets....etc, etc, etc......

I highly recommend 4-H for any and all who have access to the program. It is a wonderful way for our children to learn about and do new things that they wouldn't be exposed to otherwise. It builds self-confidence and they acquire life-skilled responsibilities.

Butterfly Kisses.......Rainbow Skies

2007-06-05T17:48:00.000-05:00

I was just reading on one of my favorite sites NILMDTS and read where one mother has butterflies as her 'sign' from her heavenly angel.

She says, "I know others may think I'm crazy but I know you all will not. I've shared that butterflies seem to find their way around me more often now that Ethan has passed. Maybe I never noticed them, who knows. I really believe a butterfly would have been one of Ethan's favorite things. When I walk outside my house this very large yellow and black monarch comes from nowhere and flies all around making it's precence known. I normally will walk over by it and say a little prayer. I get this feeling that the Lord is sending me kisses from Ethan. I have asked God many times for him to let the butterfly kiss me. That would give me such peace - knowing this butterfly is really a way for my Heavenly Angel to send his LOVE!! So today my friend and her family were over for lunch - we were standing out front and sure enough here comes the butterfly. Now my friend Jennifer knows all about this butterfly as I have shared with her many times how it always comes around. So we smiled at each other and got back to talking. A brief moment later the very large butterfly came over and landed on my cheek, scaring the mess out of me of course. I ducked and let out a girlish scream. Then I realized it was the butterfly. Jennifer said, Awww...Ethan wanted to give his Momma kisses!"

How beautiful is that? It just tears me up and makes me want to bawl. When Adam was born 6 years ago and we lost him after 10 hours, I received a card from one of Joe's cousins. It had the most beautiful poem that allowed me to adopt butterflies as my sign for Adam, too. (i know this is a terrible pic but it's one my sis took of an actual arrangement we received for Aaron and i wanted to use it anyway)

It didn't have a title but here goes:

Little one Little one where have you gone?
Your going has darkened the brightest dawn.
Why did you leave us, so soon, soon?
Where can we look for you? Over the moon?
On butterfly wings? In the heart of a rose?
Who knows, who knows, Where a little one goes?
Where I have gone, I am not so small.
My soul is as wide as the world is tall.
I have gone to answer the call, the call
Of the One who takes care of us all.
Wherever you look, You will find me there-
In the heart of a rose, in the heart of a prayer.
On butterflies' wings, on wings of my own,
To you, I'm gone, but I'm never alone-
I'm over the moon,
I'm home.
Jim Howard

Ever since, I notice butterflies in an instant. I always put a pretend one in flower arrangements, I have one hanging on my mirror in the bathroom, I found a butterfly glass windchime with bells on his 6 feet to hang at the memory place, etc...I just love to watch them flit and flutter with so much grace.

Then, with Aaron........we had been to the memory place the day after the service and the sky was lightly clouded and it began to sprinkle. I looked up to see the brightest most perfect, beautiful full rainbow and said to my kids, "Look, Aaron has sent us a rainbow to let us know that things are going to be allright." (choking back the tears) Not 10-15 seconds later, my husband says, "No, now look, Adam and Aaron are telling us that things are going to be allright," and there was a FULL DOUBLE RAINBOW clear across the southeast sky. So right then, I knew that Aaron's 'sign' was a rainbow. (this is the original rainbow but it is faded because we didn't have a camera at the exact time so we booked it home, 5 miles, before we could snap the picture)

I have seen at least 3 if not more full double rainbows in the past year. It's amazing to me! Here is the latest one that was taken out our back patio door late March.

Isn't God good!!

I really have been busy................

2007-05-31T23:46:00.000-05:00

I did these for the girls' teachers. Adi's 5th grade teacher has an old antique bearclaw bathtub in her room full of pillows so I did a set of pillowcases for the reading tub.

I did a wall hanging for Audra's 3rd grade teacher. It turned out very nice, I wish I had done a lap quilt or throw size quilt for her. This is a Moda fabric. I just love the green polka dots.

Also, my dear SIL, Ruby, and I did this purple king size quilt for a friend who just got married last weekend. This was our first attempt at strip-quilting as Rub usually does applique and I usually do simple 9 patches and pieced quilts. It was machine stitched in multi-colored pastel daisies. Annie's wedding colors were pastel blue and purple so we picked out those fabrics first. Then we found the matching yellow floral that really pulled it all together. Plus, her favorite color is purple so we chose that for the most dominant color. We are pretty proud of ourselves. Annie was already showing it off at the reception so I feel that she truly loved her gift.

Make It Stop!!

2007-05-30T21:25:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted in quite a while.........long month of April. Spring used to be my favorite time of year but the loss of Aaron kindof changed my view of things round-about this time of year.

I'll try to get on a more structured schedule now that the girls are out of school.

Rain rain, Go Away!
Come again another day!!

We are swamped around here, no flooding of buildings or homes but it just keeps dragging on, and on, and on......my garden is floating, my driveway is floating and my basement isn't doing the greatest right now either. (i have to keep the foundation drainage pump going to keep it from soaking in) I'm sure one of these days I'll b begging for a little moisture but as of now, I've had enough.

The Ultimate Wish List

2007-04-10T23:52:00.000-05:00

I found this on a group board and thought it was OUTSTANDING! With Adam's 6th bday just passed and Aaron's 1st bday coming up.......tough weeks ahead. You'd think it'd be easier the 3rd time around.........I think it's worse.

Bereaved Parents Wish List Compiled by Diane Collins, TCF, Bay Area

1. I wish my baby hadn't died. I wish I had him back.

2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my baby's name. My baby lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you also.

3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my baby, I wish you knew it isn't because you have hurt me. My baby's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my baby, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.

4. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.

5. I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my baby, my favorite topic of the day.

6. I know you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my baby's death pains you too. I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.

7. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my baby until the day I die.

8. I am working very hard on my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my baby, and I will always grieve that he is dead.

9. I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy." Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.

10. I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.

11. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I am feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.

12. When I say, "I'm doing okay, " I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.

13. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So, please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.

14. Your advise to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.

15. Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly it is not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.

16. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my baby died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my baby died, and will never be that person again.

17. I wish very much that you could understand-understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT, I pray that you will never understand.

XOXO

My heart............

2007-04-09T22:27:00.000-05:00

This is where I still am in life........on hold...........

I originally wrote this back in Dec. but just now decided to start a blog with my feelings, my thoughts, my heart, once again throwing out this plea for humbling prayer now beings it's April.............

Dear Family and Friends,

I have thought about how to share this for months and finally, I've decided to write it, so here goes......

I am not good at showing emotions, sharing feelings, touchy feely, etc... but I feel led to share a part of my life with you that is a very personal, emotional, minute-by-minute thought in my mind. I do this not for individual attention but because I know that in doing so, your faith will lead you to lift my situation and family up in your prayers. Our Bible says that there is ultimate power of prayer in numbers. I've chose to reach out and ask for prayer that God's Will be done.

I truly believe that noone knows how much the death of a newborn baby destroys the soul of a mother, changes their view of the world, strips them of their selfworth, alters relationships with loved ones, etc... unless they themselves have experienced it. Unfortunately, those of us who have play a good role of putting on a convincing mask and fake/pretend that things are allright and that we're healthy. We do what we do to get through each day. When in all reality, every minute of every day we are consumed thinking of our loss. Almost every situation, comment, story, etc...reverts back to our loss. (i.e. seeing others expecting-toting a newborn/carrier or pushing strollers, seeing baby shows/commercials, thinking back to when we bought something and at the time being pregnant, birthdays of any kind, listening to the news about mothers neglecting their children, receiving junk mail for maternity insurance, etc....)

When we lost Adam 6 years ago, we had the hope for having another babe--not to take his place or help us forget him but to redirect our minds so we weren't dwelling on his loss. When we found out we were unexpectedly expecting Aaron, we shared with my OB that we wanted to have a tubal ligation. She went ahead and (as my new OB puts it) unethically did the TL, knowing we had already lost Aaron. Obviously, due to that and other issues of neglect to me as a mother, I switched OB/GYN's post delivery. On my first visit, to remove my staples from c-section, they could not believe she had truly done a TL. On my 6 wk release visit, the PA could tell I was emotionally drained and brought up the option of a tubal reversal. I had shared that I just didn't know how to go forward without the hope of another babe. I just felt like I wasn't finished and point blank didn't want to end my childbearing on a failure. She gave me the name of another OB/GYN in who actually does the surgery and I was meeting with him 2 weeks later. I had my tubal reversal surgery July 21, exactly 12 weeks after delivering Aaron.

WHEW....I am now at the main reason why I am writing you all. We began trying to conceive in October. After not being on a regular ovulation cycle by any means, (I'm certain all the stress hasn't helped matters) I was put on provera to try and get regular. Beings it's now April, I am asking for your prayers for God's Will.

Wholeheartedly I physically and emotionally long to be pregnant and deliver a healthy babe. I honestly believe and know that if it's meant to be, it will happen. If it's not meant for me to physically bear another child, there are other options we've discussed. I know that God's Will will prevail, not mine. I pray daily that I can be healthy and accept His will, whatever that may be.

I greatly appreciate your words being lifted. I'm not good with asking for help/assistance and showing that 'weaker' side of myself, but this being such a heart matter pushed me to be humbled and ask. I love you all for your support.

In Christ's Divine Love,Penny

The 'A' Squad

Summer Camp......

Men vs Women

1 Peter 5:10-12

SOOOOO much to be Thankful for!!

I Will CarryYou!!

We Cry Holy!!

Well, STINK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whucha' Dooooooooin'?

Happy Birthday Baby Aaron!!

It Is Well With My Soul!

There Will be a Day Devotional

8 years ago..............

A QUILT OF HOLES.....

A Little Busy...........

Kennedy and Friends Co.

'HE' never ceases to amaze me!!

More Ball Stuff................

USSSA 12U World Series!!

I'm in limbo.........

My 'baby' turned 6!

Food For Thought............

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep.....

The small gray bus is no more.......

Blessed!

WE LOVE MUD!

Our night at the 'Memory Place'

Happy Birthday, Baby JAE!

I Will Carry You

Crazy Patch Scraps of Life

The Crazy Reality

Check IT out!

To Those Who Look Away...

Ginger Blossom!

Etsy!

Baby Boys

Miss Hope~~

Smallest and Wingless

To the Mama Without the Baby

The Pit!

Happy Christmas!

Granny, You're #1!!

The New 'Normal'..........

Vegetarian????? Not yet, but close......

Voting time

"Blessed"

Momsense

Where I Used To Have A Heart.........

NILMDTS

God is Great, But Life Ain't Always Good

Proud of You!

a little inspiration for us all.........

Busy, Busy, Busy!!

The Four H's......4-H

Butterfly Kisses.......Rainbow Skies

I really have been busy................

Make It Stop!!

The Ultimate ~~Wish List~~

My heart............

The Ultimate Wish List